


A contrary feeling

by secret170193



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, During Canon, Feels, Gen, High Honor Arthur Morgan, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Arthur, Recovery, Slow Burn, Starvation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secret170193/pseuds/secret170193
Summary: After starving the O'Driscoll boy for weeks and scaring the shit out of him, Arthur never thought they'd end up keeping him, let alone liking him. If the kid survived starvation and trying to work himself to death, Arthur might even risk thinking he was starting to feel for the guy. Not good.
Relationships: Kieran Duffy & Arthur Morgan, Kieran Duffy/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

Arthur Morgan heard the gunshot long before he registered the blood spreading over the laughing O'Driscoll’s abdomen as he collapsed spluttering on his side. The lack of pain meant he wasn’t wrong, the only shot had definitely killed his attacker. Tilting his head back, Arthur expected to see John, or even Bill. He was more surprised when a scrawny, trembling figure came into view, Kieran Duffy’s shaky voice confirming it.

“You alright?”

Arthur felt the tension leave his body as he consciously willed the adrenaline to wear off. Despite Kieran still holding a gun, Arthur couldn't see him as a threat.

“Sure. Thank you.” 

Arthur pushed himself to his feet, remembering the reason they'd even come, and stepped into the cabin. The empty cabin. He scowled, muttering angrily to himself.

“Colm O'Driscoll... He ain’t here. You set us up...”

Turning on the spot and storming out of the cabin, Arthur immediately set his sights on the terrified Kieran.

“Come here!”

Kieran, looking innocent as anything for a man that just shot his former gang member, looked at Arthur fearfully.

“What..?”

Arthur clenched his fist, half tempted to hit Kieran. 

“You set us up!”

Kieran did the second dumbest thing he could have done and put away the gun he'd acquired. Admittedly the dumbest thing he could have done was try to use it.

“I didn't!”

If he wasn't already fuming, Arthur would have been more angered by such stupidity. Instead he raised his own gun to Kieran's face.

“You did! Colm O'Driscoll ain’t here!”

Kieran, looking close to tears, cried out, his voice cracking.

“He was here, I swear! I sw-“

He pointed a shaking finger at Arthur like he'd had an epiphany.

“If I was setting you up I wouldn’t have saved your life!”

Bill strode over with an amused chuckle, looking between the two of them. 

“Hm, it’s a good point, Arthur.”

Arthur lowered his gun, having to admit that Kieran could easily have watched his former gangmate shoot Arthur, a man who hogtied him, kidnapped him, and bullied him for weeks, but chose to save him instead.

“Alright then, go on. Get outta here.” 

He was genuinely baffled when Kieran, instead of sprinting for the hills, edged closer. 

“Ey?”

Annoyed now, Arthur stepped closer, his hand still hovering near his gun.

“I won’t kill you!”

Kieran didn’t seem to take the hint.

“I didn’t set you up..”

Arthur nearly sneered. Did the kid really think he'd be shot in the back if he turned to leave.

“Get lost!”

Kieran didn’t move.

“Get lost?”

Pissed off, Arthur grabbed Kieran and forcibly dragged him away from John and Bill, shoving him roughly towards the trees. It didn’t take as much effort as he'd expected, the kid was practically skin and bones.

“I'm letting you run away... Now go on, get outta here!”

To his surprise, Kieran actually stepped back towards him, desperation in his voice.

“That’s as good as killing me!”

He must have been real desperate, he kept walking back closer to his captors. Ex-captors.

“Out there... without you... Colm O'Driscoll’s gonna lose his mind about this.”

John scoffed, indifferent to the situation.

“So?”

Kieran seemed to gather up all the confidence he had left.

“So I’m one of you now...”

Arthur sighed, feeling his resolve cave as he saw the logic behind Kieran's reasoning. The young man was starved, weak and alone. If the coyotes didn't eat him, Colm O'Driscoll would have him tracked and gutted within days.

“Give me a break... Alright then.”

He walked towards Kieran, pointing at him briefly.

“But I’m warning you...”

Kieran immediately put his hands up in mock surrender, stepping aside to let Arthur pass.

“Oh, I know..”

Arthur called his horse over, patting her on the neck.

“Come on, let’s get to camp.”

“So you got the cash then?”

Arthur raised an eyebrow at the giddy ex-O'Driscoll, having sworn for a moment that the kid almost skipped closer.

“What cash..?”

Kieran's face lit up, no doubt eager to prove himself to them.

“There’s usually some cash... in the chimney!” 

He turned quickly, aiming to run into the shack, when Arthur stopped him.

“I’ll check it, still don’t trust you.” 

Kieran, a bit deflated, just gave a nod and stayed put, shuffling from foot to foot. Arthur slipped back into the shack, finding the cash wedged in the chimney in no time. By the time he came back out, John and Bill had already ridden to the edge of the trees, clearly eager to go. Sighing, Arthur got in his saddle and held a hand out towards Kieran. 

“You coming or you plan to keep up with the horses on foot?”

He’d meant it as a joke but Kieran quickly grabbed his hand like he expected to be abandoned immediately. Once Kieran was in the saddle behind him, clutching to Arthur's coat in what could only be described as the most cautious deathgrip possible, they set off back to camp at a steady gallop. Luckily for them, nobody seemed too willing to report gunshots at an O'Driscoll camp and they got back without the law spotting them.

Arthur slowed his horse, steering her towards the hitching posts, when he felt the grip on his coat fade and heard a sudden thud behind him. He turned just in time to see Kieran collapsed on the floor, Bills massive Ardennes almost trampling his body. Cursing under his breath, Arthur jumped off his horse and bent over Kieran only to confirm that he was definitely unconscious and breathing shallowly.

“Shit... Bill, fetch Hosea... and Swanson if he’s sober.”

The moment Bill had dismounted and hurried off, Arthur scooped up Kieran in his arms, lifting him far too easily. He couldn’t help the building sensation of guilt as he felt Kieran's ribcage press into his arms. After a few minutes of Bill explaining the situation, Hosea came over, frowning at the sight.

“What happened?”

Arthur shrugged, shifting a bit so Kieran's head wouldn’t loll back.

“He insisted on staying, kinda saved my skin at that O'Driscoll camp, and just as we got back he just.. this.”

Hosea sighed and waved Arthur towards the only empty cot, Arthur's bed.

“Honestly, I’m not surprised. The fact that he was even standing after all we’ve done to him must be a miracle in itself. Lay him down and.. I'll see if anything can be done.”

Arthur did as he was told, his hand cupping Kieran's cold cheek a bit longer than needed to lower his head to the pillow.

“It ain’t nothing serious.. right?”

Hoses gave another sigh, kneeling to check Kieran over, Swanson obviously too drunk to assist.

“I've seen men take weeks to recover from starvation and.. some never do. We may have to be prepared to lose him.”

Arthur nodded solemnly, the guilt returning. Why the hell had the kid saved him, it made no sense. 

“Okay... well.. what can I do to help?”

Hosea paused in his assessment, looking Arthur's expression over before realising that Kieran must have done something pretty significant.

“Keep him warm and try to get some food and drink in him the moment he wakes up. Slowly, we don’t want to give him an aversion. And no alcohol. Just... don’t get your hopes up...”

The next few days consisted of Arthur staying behind in camp to watch over Kieran, occasionally dripping water into his mouth with a clean rag. Finally, after three days of shaking and boardline fevers, Kieran opened his eyes. 

“..i... wh-.. wha-..”

Arthur perked up from drawing in his journal, hurriedly closing it and leaning over. 

“Welcome back, O'Driscoll. Had us thinking you wanted to leave afterall.”

Kieran stared right through Arthur for a long moment as if barely registering him.

“i.. eh?”

Arthur picked up a bowl of cold stew he'd kept to one side from the night before, raising a spoon of mostly liquid to Kieran's mouth.

“Eat.”

Kieran, somehow managing to do as he’s told despite his delirium, sipped at the spoon with cracked dry lips. He managed less than three spoonfuls before starting to sink back into the pillow. Arthur knew Kieran would probably be out of it for a few more days so he nudged Kieran's shoulder. 

“Hey... why'd you do it?”

Kieran looked at Arthur in confusion. 

“D-do what..?”

His voice was hoarse from disuse, barely awake. Arthur considered letting the topic drop but...

“Why'd you save me?”

Kieran must have been out of it, because he wasted precious energy giving a nervous smile.

“Cos you... been good to me..” 

Arthur didn’t get a chance to ask what Kieran meant, the kid had faded back into sleep moments later. He cant have meant it, nothing about starving, abusing and threatening Kieran could have possibly come off as being good to him. 

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur spent the next two weeks sleeping on his spare bedroll and watching over Kieran. Despite his initial worries, Kieran was slowly starting to recover, though his skin still clung to his ribs in a way that made Arthur feel the cold pit of guilt grow in his stomach. He kept to Hosea’s advice and fed Kieran very watered down stew and dry crackers a few times a day. 

One morning Arthur woke to the cold chill of dawn and sat up with a groan. He didn’t intend to wake so early but something felt off. Turning his head he noticed his bed was empty. No Kieran. Frowning, Arthur dressed himself and started to look around the camp. He could hardly imagine Kieran managing to pluck up the courage to run off now but maybe he finally had the strength to...

Turning the corner around Pearson's wagon, Arthur almost bumped into a slight, trembling figure who stumbled back abruptly and dropped what he was carrying. For a second Arthur got ready to grab his knife but the moment he saw Kieran's terrified, sunken eyes he stopped. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing sneaking around like that?”

Kieran flinched and fumbled to pick up the hay bale he'd been carrying.

“I.. I ain’t sneaking, mister, honest! I was just feeding the horses and.. moving the food sacks..”

Arthur stared at the malnourished man in shock for a few moments. Kieran had barely been able to move the last few weeks and the moment he could he'd set about doing heavy lifting chores. 

“What you doing that for?”

Kieran clutched the hay like it would protect him from Arthur's inevitable wrath. Why else would anyone bother confronting him about chores.

“Well I.. been not too helpful lately and I um.. I don’t want to be... to be..”

Kieran trailed off but Arthur got the idea. 

“You don’t want to be kicked out or killed so you thought you'd work yourself to death to please us even though we're the ones that starved you?”

Arthur slowly took the hay bale off Kieran, watching him deflate as he realised how stupid it sounded.

“I was always told if I could walk, I could work...”

Arthur sighed and put the hay bale to one side.

“Work later, just.. go lay down. You look like a newborn foal, wobbling like that.”

Kieran hung his head, embarrassed, and did as he was told. It was less than a week before he was sneaking out of bed to tend to the horses again though, despite Arthur trying to tell him nothing bad would happen to him if he didn’t. Arthur was beginning to get the sneaking suspicion that Kieran’s behaviour went back much further than his time with the Van der Linde gang. He just had to find out...

Eventually Kieran was deemed well enough to stop using Arthur's tent and was told to make himself a place to sleep. It didn’t take Arthur long to find out that Kieran's definition of a “place to sleep” was a lot wider than most people's. The first night he found Kieran propped up against a rock by the chicken coop he'd been half tempted to carry him someplace decent to rest but he knew that if he started treating the ex-O'Driscoll well when he wasn’t recovering from starvation that they’d both end up on the receiving end of ridicule from the camp. Arthur could put up with it but he doubted Kieran could handle it.

One night Arthur woke in the middle of the night and wandered to the edge of camp to relieve himself. On the way back past what was now known as “Kieran's rock”, he heard something that made his heart sink into his stomach like a block of ice. Kieran was mumbling to himself in his sleep and Arthur could tell exactly what he was saying. 

“D-dont hurt me... mister please... I.. I surrender...”

A nightmare. Arthur could recall Kieran saying those exact words as he was cornered in the snow up near Colter, shivering and withdrawn. He was having a nightmare about Arthur and, despite Arthur’s claim that he himself was a terrible and bad man, it felt horrible to know that deep down the other man genuinely feared him. He hesitated, watching the fearful expressions twist through Kieran's features, the younger man's breath catching occasionally like the ice was still pressing into his face. Eventually Arthur tore himself away, intent on heading back to his bed and going straight back to sleep. Moments later he was back by Kieran's side with a scratchy old blanket, tossing it carefully over him. 

The next morning Kieran woke early as usual, baffled by the warmth of the blanket that he’d clutched to himself during the night. Uncertain who to return it to, and with nobody owning up to its appearance, Kieran kept it. 

A few days later, after avoiding Kieran a little bit, Arthur was surprised to see the ex-O'Driscoll approach him. Kieran held a bale of hay over his shoulder, clearly insistent on carrying his weight both figuratively and literally, a slight tremor in his voice.

“Thank you, Mister Morgan...”

Arthur narrowed his eyes a little, wondering briefly if Kieran had figured out where the blanket had come from, when Kieran continued.

“...for sparing me like that. I'll work hard!”

Arthur felt his heart clench a little, swearing for a moment that he could still hear the fear in Kieran's voice. Of course the kid was still scared of him, he barely had reason not to be. Kieran seemed to take Arthur’s frown and silence as a sign of doubt.

“I'm not a bad feller, you’ll soon warm to me.”

That was the problem, Arthur knew he was already warming to him and that was dangerous for them both. Still, nobody was around to hear them, not properly anyway. Arthur gave a short nod. 

“Just see that I do.”

Kieran gave a small forced laugh, his faux confidence making no show of covering the uncertainty in his every movement.

“Oh, you will...”

Kieran turned to take the hay bale to the horses, his arm shaking from holding it up for so long. Arthur found himself reaching out, his fingertips only grazing Kieran's sleeve but it was enough to make the other man turn back around.

“And boy. Thank you... for saving my life.”

Kieran seemed to perk up a little, as though the tiny bit of praise from Arthur was all it might take to keep the others from killing him. 

“Well yeah, of course!”

Arthur held back a genuine smile, half tempted to help Kieran with that hay, but he could already see Javier and Bill changing guard shift nearby. He couldn’t risk coddling the kid, not like that. He bowed his head briefly in a dismissive nod and turned away, chest clenching as he caught Kieran's smile fade from the corner of his eye. 

Damn it.


End file.
